Hi Anita,

To answer your questions:

1) I’ve been to a few therapists and they said depending on the person, yes, PTSD can occur even if the cheated hasn’t witnessed the cheating. I was surprised by this diagnosis, but apparently it does happen. Not everyone gets, it’s rare, but it’s not abnormal.

2) Ruined meaning my mind was permanently redirected that at any moment, reality could become a nightmare state. Hence the anxiety and panic attacks. The breakup was very life altering – I’ve moved countries and across the US multiple times for this person, lost jobs, lost money and a home, and I still don’t feel like I’ve recovered. So while realistically I know I’m still alive and have had and will have good memories since the breakup, I worry that I won’t be the whole healthy person I was before he cheated.

3) Yes. They told me that even if a flashback or panic attack happens once a year, daily for a month, or suddenly after 20/30/40 years…the cheater, if they still want the relationship, should comfort and console the cheated in moments of panic. That’s the only way for trust to be rebuilt, instead of teaching the cheated that the partner hasn’t changed.