Dear Annie:

I read through your posts this morning, trying to understand your parents’ motivation for asking you for help, but not asking your sister. I think that their motivation overall is to do whatever is easier got them to do, and for them: it is easier to ask you for help than it is to ask your sister for help.

“I don’t understand why it’s so hard to ask my sister to help“- this is it, they don’t ask her because it is hard to ask her for help.

Why is it hard for them to ask her for help? Probably because when they asked her for help earlier, they did not enjoy the experience: maybe she expressed anger and impatience, maybe she did a bad job helping them (purposefully or not), maybe they had to explain too much to her about what they wanted and it exhausted them.

It is easier for them to ask you for help than it is to ask your sister for help.

“With my sister, they would talk about anything and it’s like no tension”- I am guessing that for as long as they don’t ask her for help, she is somewhat calm and receptive when they talk to her about other things. On the other hand, when they tried to talk to you earlier about just anything, you reacted tensely (being that you are understandably resentful), and that made them feel uncomfortable. Fast forward, it is easier (less tension/ calmer) for them to talk to her about just anything than it is  to talk to you.

anita