Dear TeaK,

I appreciate you for sharing that information with me. That’s exactly what happened when I spoke to my mom, and I have accepted that until she is willing to change I need to protect myself as best as I can.

I do think it’s a similar dynamic. What is sad to me, despite this revelation, is that S and I had a wonderful, respectful adult-adult relationship until his cheating triggered the parent-child dynamic. So regaining that original but stronger dynamic with S would take work on my end, if that ever happens in the future.

Now, what is extremely interesting to me is that with M, my current relationship, I have heavily become the mother in our relationship. Neither of his parents supported him emotionally, usually causing harm or neglecting him, and his mother only gave him food and a roof over his head. She still shuts him out, and is very much not involved with his life despite seeing him on holidays and all of his efforts to connect with her. Even before I moved in with him, M slacked all emotional regulation and household caretaking as I naturally “take care of things” if I see that something needs to be done. Moving in has especially made this so, as I want to live in a comfortable home, and hence a huge reason why I am now moving out. He reproached me for acting like a mom and not a girlfriend, but then treats me like a “mother figure” that cleans up after him and doesn’t require any attention, time, or consideration that comes with an adult mutual relationship…which is what he has with his mother.

To me it seems like M has the same issue with me that I had with S.