Dear DeJana:

I forgot to attend to the next problem, but that’s okay- a separate post for the next problem is appropriate:

“It lead to the next problem and the same I had in the previous relationship. When I share my fears and emotional burdens with a man, he starts trying to fix me. The relationship gets a parent-child dynamic. How do I solve this problem in relationships? I don’t want to be fixed. I want to be accepted, to have a base, that let’s me grow. I don’t believe my issues are so unique, every person has some baggage“-

– Before you share your fears and emotional burdens with the next man in your life, make it very clear to him (kindly but assertively) that you don’t want him to think of himself as a parent who needs to fix you, a child. Tell him that it is very important for you to have a relationship between 2 adults who think of each other as equally responsible adults, helping each other from the position of equality.

Then tell him that every person has some baggage and ask him if he agrees, if he has baggage too?-

Then wait for his answer: if he says No- abort the idea of having a relationship with him. If he says Yes, ask him to tell you just a bit about his baggage. Listen to him. If you detect some willingness to share with you then respond, keeping your response short and empathetic.

Then share with him just a bit, and listen to his response. Is his response empathetic? If in his initial response, he already tried to fix you, tell him so, show him how he did that, keeping your input short and clear. Listen to how he responds next, or give the topic a break until next time you see him.

It will take a few meetings or dates to figure out if an equal relationship is possible with a man.

anita