Dear raphy29/ Alice:

You are welcome. I understand why the letter you wrote is “quite long”- you have a lot of emotions invested on the topic. But it is too long. Even the excerpt you provided here is too long, too detailed, too conflicted (asserting yourself, then apologizing/ trying to balance your assertion with positives because of your fear of being too harsh).

For you there is much more to say, but for her it is already too much to process and to understand, and she may conclude that you are simply confused and troubled.. and indeed a charity case (you don’t want your letter to lead her to that conclusion!)

If I was you, I would send her a much shorter message focusing on just one point: friends share about each other’s problems and difficulties in life as equals; you share, she doesn’t; therefore you feel that you are a charity case for her, not an equal. You are grateful for her support all these years, but you want to be treated as an equal, not like a charity case.

No apologies, no details, nothing about her father- make your message a single-issue short and assertive message. If she responds well to your message, you can tell her a bit more. If she responds well again.. then tell her more, a bit at a time, not all at once. It will take a series of back and forth messages/ communication to change your relationship with her to a friendship between 2 equals, or to conclude that such is not possible, and then quit your charity case status by ending contact.

anita