Dear Sox:

“I want to understand why I end getting attached when I don’t even know what will happen in the future with them, when I don’t know them well enough and when I haven’t even met them? I absolutely detest this feeling being attached when the other person is taking it chill or one day at a time. I also find myself getting anxious thoughts like they are probably not interested in me anymore“-

Based on our Oct-Nov 2020 communication (welcome back, Sox!) my answer is that you get attached easily to people you don’t really know and you feel very anxious when that happens because when you were a child, you were scolded a lot and you were treated like the black sheep of the family (“I would also get scolded a lot… maybe even be categorised as  being the black sheep of the family“, previous thread).

To be scolded a lot and to be treated like the black sheep of the family creates a very lonely and sad child, also an anxious child who keeps worrying about the next time she will get scolded.

Your parents yelled and scolded you for just being a kid, for you not being.. them, for not behaving just as they behave, as adults, ex: “create a ruckus everywhere.. could not and would not sit at one place… always up to something (extremely notorious) … always want to do things differently.., always had a very independent thought process.. even as a child“-

So, all in all, you were understandably an anxious child, believing that you were bad or unacceptable. Fast forward: you are an anxious adult, believing that you are bad or unacceptable, and when a person doesn’t respond to you on time (“I sent him a few links to which he responded only some 17 hours later“, posted today)- you feel that you must have said or done something wrong, and that he reacted to your alleged wrongdoing by not responding to you sooner.

anita