Dear Jisoo:

“I am in a well paying stable job, manage home and kid all by myself, I exercise, keep myself well groomed, friendly”, “I would shout, cry, don’t talk for few days etc. He would remain silent all through.. bears all mood swings (they are really really bad)… I am not clingy or nothing, extra feelings have come to me just because of intimacy…Its only me who is there/not there, talk good one day/cry one day, put boundaries/remove them ..lot of such stuff. I believe he is only representing what I am inside .. unavailable/untrustworthy…. Please share your thoughts”-

– my thoughts: (1) From the totality of descriptions and comments about this man so far,  I have no picture/ no understanding of him: I understand nothing about his thoughts, feelings and/ or motivations,  (2) Seems like you are holding yourself together and functioning well in the context of the workplace and elsewhere, but not in the context of intimacy/ closer relationships.

I hope that, given that you have  a “well paying stable job”, you can afford psychotherapy where you will be able to process the death of your husband and your current difficulties in the context of closer relationships.

anita