Dear Annie:

I wish you had a separate room from your sister. Maybe it would be better if you slept on the sofa, in a common area of the home, instead of in the room with your sister (“we are in the same room 24/7“).

“I would almost always end up ranting and venting to her a lot… it just became an automatic reaction for me… she sees a lot of that“- not a good automatic reaction or behavior. No wonder she prefers to be  online with friends instead of listening to your rants. Find a way to change this behavior from being automatic to being a matter of choice (no matter how hard it will be). Choose to not rant and vent. Instead, you can journal, draw or post here, or go elsewhere in the home.

“I never thought about my anger showing to anyone else. If anything I try to avoid conflict with people outside of my family“- imagine that you are outside your home, interacting with a person, and notice: are you having eye contact with the person, or are you looking away? Are you smiling at them or is there a frown on your face? When you talk to them, is your voice gentle or harsh? You can stand in front of the mirror as you imagine these things and look at your face: what does it communicate?

People are attracted to and respond well to people who smile vs people who frown, people who talk gently vs harshly, people who are attentive, who make eye contact vs. people who are inattentive and who look away (in some cultures it is considered rude to make eye contact, etc.,  so some cultural adjustments apply).

anita