Hi Anita, I am explaining 2 different  perspectives of me..one before the tragedy and one later. So it might have confused you. Looks like I am taking lot of space in the forum and your time as well, but to make it clear – As a kid we move to another room if parents fight , we dont analyze  their marriage or even think about it much. But as an adult and also in a low phase in one’s life, these things effect a lot. Hope u understand  the difference.  And w.r.t to my husband, he never ghosted/disappeared/mentally abused me. If we had issues , we argued/discussed and compromised to some level. I never got scared that he might leave me or my relationship  will end. I was always secure. But now in my current state, I get extremely  clingy when the new guy disappears, think I am wrong or unworthy of love ..whatever it is. I don’t feel secure.  Hope this is clear now.