Dear TeaK,

Thank you for reaching out.
I am doing okay, on paper. I started a new job, am able to sign a lease for my own apartment, and will be moving out in a month when my new place is ready.

The first couple’s therapy session went well – M had a lot to reflect on afterwards. After that we had almost 2 weeks of pretty constructive moments as well – we only fought a few times (as opposed to every day) and each fight was de-escalated and a peaceful conclusion was made every time (as opposed to him going out to smoke in his car, never revisiting a topic to apologise or move forward, and us sleeping separately).
But then, the day before our second therapy session, he told me he accidentally double-booked something and now had a separate commitment during our therapy time. I was upset – we had both been there with our planners to set the date and time, and I had reminded him multiple times in the last week that we had therapy. I understand that his second commitment was more time-limited and I actually would have gladly rescheduled therapy for him to make that second commitment, but he didn’t communicate it with me until it was too late and I was charged the $100 for not being able to make that session (a fee of course he can’t afford to pay himself).

I told him after that I don’t want to communicate with him in any way until he comes to me to properly apologise (I always go to him to fix things, even if I didn’t do anything wrong). We didn’t speak for two days, and finally he approached me to say “I’m sorry……but I still don’t get what I did wrong and I think it’s dumb that I have to say sorry.” Which of course started another fight. The last week (between our missed second session and our makeup second session that is actually happening in one hour) has been pretty tumultuous and bad. We managed to be comfortable enough to be intimate a couple days ago, but right after he asked if he could borrow money, said he was going to come to bed, and then I woke up alone to find that he had been out/making music until dawn.

So I still feel abused, manipulated, taken advantage of, and grossly unappreciated. My personal therapist is checking in with me to make sure I am not blaming myself for any of his behaviour, but due to so many past negative experiences sometimes  I still do catch myself believing that I deserve this kind of treatment.