Dear Ashmitha:

Welcome back. In June this year, after you broke up with your current boyfriend, I wrote to you: “The breakup feels badly at times, but it’s the right thing for you. I hope you feel better and better soon!”.

You replied on June 22: “I am proud of myself for expressing my needs and not backing down when they weren’t met…I know I want a serious relationship that involves effort and genuine interest in me from him, meeting each other’s friends, being public about the relationship on social media and later meeting family. I won’t settle for less than that next time“-

– that was your last post on your previous thread. Very shortly after you resumed the relationship with the boyfriend you broke up with for a short time. Did you settle for less.. yet again?

You wrote back in June 22: “I feel a lot better today and more at peace with my decision. I think I will be taking a 6 month break from dating anyone new. I’d like to spend time getting to know myself and healing from my past wounds… I also want to look for a therapist… I know it will be hard in the beginning, but each day gets easier”-

– I am guessing it didn’t get easier, you didn’t look for, or looked but didn’t find therapy.. you got too anxious and .. reunited with the guy, felt better for it.. time passed, and the anxiety and perhaps depression are back (“anxious…  more sad and lonely.. empty and bored… depression?)”

I agree with you  that (1) your lonely and empty feelings have a lot to do with you, your childhood and your current living situation which, living with your mother and with your father, at least in the weekends, if I remember correctly (“these lonely and empty feelings. I think it has more to do with me“), and (2)  that no one can have a perfect partner who will meet all of one’s needs (“It’s like I want the perfect partner who meets all my needs“), but isn’t he too.. far, too removed from perfection, for you, for what you reasonably need???

“I also have one year left in my graduate studies so I can’t expect a high pay. I don’t know if the lower than ideal pay is causing this, since income is critical in me buying my own place and moving out which has been a childhood dream“- in what ways does your boyfriend help you to move closer to no longer living with your parents and buying your own place?

There is a question in the title of your thread: “How to work through avoidant attachment style?“- are you referring to your avoidant attachment style, or his?

anita

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