Dear Makingtide:

Key for me to understand your situation and maybe being able to help you figure out if there is a reasonable chance for you to continue and heal your marriage is in your answers to these questions:

1. “I’ve caused so much harm and pain to my wife over 25 years (some I was aware of, lots I wasn’t)“-  you hurt your wife in certain ways without your awareness. Did she not tell you over the 25 years in what ways you were hurting her… or did she tell you of these ways only recently?

2. “I want to change and want to make her happy… I’m doing everything in my power to change“- did you try to change at any time during the past 25 years of the marriage, or is the current time (because she is considering divorce) the first time that you are trying to change?

anita