Dear OrangeHeart:

In April 25, you wrote about your current relationship compared to previous: “In every other relationship I’ve been in once it gets to around the year mark I realize I don’t want to be with them anymore and I end up leaving them but this time its not the case!“-

– Well, it seems like it is the case, there was just a delay of some time.

“I don’t think it is all just because of trauma though. I do think there’s more substance to my thoughts than just trauma“- of course there is substance to your thoughts.. it’s just that when trauma sticks to them like hair to soap.. it gets messy.

“I feel down constantly just now and I’m never usually like this!”- except when it’s time to end a relationship, which is what you are about to do, isn’t it…

“I feel so trapped and unheard and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and scared to speak about things and a whole range of other emotions! I do feel like I’d feel better if I was alone..  Its a lot easier!“- you feel  trapped and unheard and walking on eggshells just as you did as a child, and the solution: to end the relationship and feel better!

Understandably, you are motivated to talk about Him, to put together all possible evidence that he is abusive and toxic.. maybe call him a narcissist, and close the book on him and on the relationship. I am not interested in discussing Him and helping you close the book on him just so that you feel better for it temporarily and then.. repeat.

Some men are abusive, of course, and maybe this one as well.. but I didn’t see evidence to it in your writings. In any case, if, and only if you want to discuss your childhood trauma with me at any time (not the guy), you  are welcome to address me individually, and I will reply to you further.

anita