Dear canary:

I read all your recent posts. You wrote about your experience with strangers (the boldface feature is my addition): “I care about them and want to connect with them. I feel this way with almost everyone I see, every single stranger.. I so badly want to feel fully understood.. I think I’m looking for this connection with myself… I forget to take care of myself and think for myself! It’s almost like I get so immersed into their lives, I feel myself becoming them. ..It’s hard feeling safe in public, I feel afraid and alone… I feel afraid talking to myself because I don’t know if those thoughts are mine or not”-

-I think that the problem is that you are too  much of a stranger to yourself, not connected enough to yourself, and that makes you feel uncomfortable, not normal, scared and alone. In public, you get immersed into the lives of strangers because you need a friend, and you are not your own friend yet.

In a note to me, you wrote: “I don’t have access to a psychotherapist at the moment, do you have any recommendations for some books or other resources that can explain ‘splitting’? Thank you“-

– You are welcome. I don’t think that there are self-help books addressing the psychological topic of splitting. But I will probably able to recommend books about befriending yourself, that is, no longer be too much of a stranger to yourself. Before I do, I need to ask you the following questions: (1) when you are in public, do you often feel disconnected or detached from your thoughts and from your emotions? (2) Do you feel as if you are an outsider who is observing your thoughts or body from the outside?  (3) Do you feel sometimes that what you think, what you say, and/ or how you move your body is not in your control? (4) Does the world seem foggy, dreamlike sometimes, like it’s not real, or visually distorted?

anita