Dear canary:

I am amazed by TeaK’s .. amazing reply right above: so thoughtful, intelligent, comprehensive, a most high-quality reply.  I am deeply touched and enlightened by reading it, and I already re-read it slowly, taking my time. I hope that you re-read her post many times, over many days because there is so much in this one post!

My comment for you has to do with this quote from your posts: “my ex found my weird personality to be humorous and relatable.. I was taught that being sensitive and emotional was bad and weird“-

You felt so good that your ex, unlike your father, was okay with your emotions, that he didn’t think your emotions were weird and he didn’t think that you are weird for experiencing and expressing your emotions. You will need yourself to be okay with your own emotions, to make peace with them. Let’s say you didn’t sleep well last night and you feel tired and it’s difficult for you to focus. If you were okay with your emotions, you’d think: I am tired, so I have to take it easier today, do things more slowly.

But when you are not okay with your emotions (believing that your emotions are weird and that therefore you are weird for experiencing them), you’d think something like this: what is wrong with me.. I shouldn’t be feeling this way.. I am weird.. people can see that I am weird… I will not be able to do anything today, I am a mess.. what’s going to happen to me.. etc.

Experiencing any particular distress: hunger, tiredness, fear, shame, guilt, sadness, anger, etc.- feels not as bad as it feels when you interpret these distresses to be weird and unacceptable. The latter makes you panic, and the panic makes you feel way worse than the distress itself.  I hope that you can work on becoming okay with all your emotional experiences in quality therapy!

anita