Dear Emma:

You’ve known a woman for only two months (“a mutual friend who I had known about 2 months“) before she introduced you to a man. She “vouched for his character“, you wrote. And yet, most recently, “she has been dropping hints, that they must have been involved in the past“-

– if this woman-friend had an admirable character, wouldn’t she have told you from the beginning that she was thinking of introducing to you a man with whom she herself was involved with earlier? Of what value is her vouching for his character, when her own character is not admirable?

You wrote about the woman-friend: “I do not understand why someone who claims to care about me would put me in this situation, encourage me to fall hard for him“- she did not encourage you to get to know this man over time, slowly. She encouraged you to fall for him, and to fall hard. Why would a friend encourage a friend to fall? And worse: to fall hard?

“Throughout the friend who introduced us was not helpful and seems to have her own motive“- what is her motive? Clearly, you are suggesting that her motive is not friendly to you.

As a result of having fallen hard, this is what happened: “I don’t know how to stand up for myself or remove myself. My work has suffered and my career has stalled“- reads like these two people, a man and his ex-girlfriend, tripped you,  you fell hard, suffering real life consequences.

“my self confidence has taken such a hit due to the way they have treated me — even as these people claim and act to be supporting me and building me up“- who are these two people who only pretended to support and build you up- tricked you and tripped you and made you fall hard.. friends or enemies?

“I am happy with the physical relationship now, it is very good, but I have this fear in my head that in the future I may be pushed into doing extreme things, if he is the kind of person who pushes and I am afraid to keep fighting to say no“- I wonder what images of “extreme things” you have in mind, and do they involve the woman-friend…

“I no longer know if we are a good match or the worst“- Other than you being happy with the sexual part of the relationship, clearly he is a bad match for you: your work suffered, your career stalled and you are confused, not knowing right from wrong (“I do not know right from wrong“).. so a bad match it is.

“and why the friend introduced us without information”- I don’t know why, but you are doubting her intentions.. doubting that she is a true friend. Seems to me that he is a bad match and she is a bad match, and that it is time to end the relationships with both, recover from your hard fall.. and slowly get up and stand up for yourself!

anita