Dear Andrew:

“recently.. I lost my dad in 2017 and now my mom is in a care home at a early age..  During the time my mum went to hospital my sister emotionally abused me..  and I have also lost my house.. I was feeling bored so I decided to watch porn… What I don’t understand is why I panicked about watching it.. even though I’ve watched it before and was fine.. Why do I feel like I’ve done something so bad that I need to punish myself that I nearly ended up going to the police over something so silly”-

– reads to me that what happened was that you felt like a bad person for either losing your father, and/ or for allowing your mother to live in a care home instead of living with you (and for having lost your house where she could live with you). Maybe your abusive sister accused you of being a bad son.. a bad brother (?). All together, all your guilt in regard to your family members  happened to concentrate on that one event of watching porn.

And even though you didn’t watch porn since July this year, the guilt of failing your family members haunt you still. You feel like you’ve “done something so bad”, which is leaving your mother at a care home (?), and you believe that you need to punish yourself for it.  Do you think that this is what is happening?

anita