Dear Dougaldog:

“I’ve tried asking myself if it’s just me ((I don’t drink) but the nagging doubts never go away. I fear that given the choice, the bottle would win as a more reliable and desirable  long term partner.  Most of their friend’s idea of a dream night out is to get smashed too. It’s all hideous! Any words of wisdom?”

– I am guessing that your partner, like anyone’s partner who drinks heavily and/ or daily, will drink for as long as she wants to drink regardless of your feelings about her drinking, and regardless of what you say or not say about her drinking. For habitual drinkers who drink every day, or every night- it is not a matter of a competition between drinking and their romantic partner. The competition (“Me or the bottle?“) exists only in the mind of the non-drinker, not in the mind of the habitual drinker.

And so, if I was in your shoes, I wouldn’t suggest to my partner to choose between me or her drinking, and I wouldn’t further complain to her about her drinking. Instead, I will (1) See to it that she doesn’t drive when under the influence, and that none of her friends drives a car when under the influence, (2) When you are present with her when she is out and about, drinking, see to it that there is plenty of water at the table. At home, always place a glass of  water by your partner’s side of the bed. Alcohol is diuretic, which causes falls and injuries when not enough of a blood flow reaches the brain. Falls and other injuries when drunk under are common and cause lots of mild and severe injuries and deaths.

Other than that, consider doing what it takes for you to move out of your partner’s place, and in so doing, living your life on your own terms when it comes to drinking and otherwise.

anita