Dear anonymous03:

So good to read from you again! I am fine, thank you, got the booster shot (third Pfizer vaccine) only yesterday, my arm still hurts from the shot, no big deal though.

I am sorry for your loss, your kitten. I feel sad as I imagine how his heart stopped beating in your arms. It makes me think how … we will all end up this way, our hearts no longer beating, some alone, others in someone’s arms.

“Looking back, I keep patting my back for doing everything I could for my family. I know I did beyond my best. And the next time I face a difficult situation, I’m going to think of this time and remind myself of the courage and care I am capable of“- I am glad that your cat and two kittens are alive and well, and indeed you deserve a lot of credit for doing beyond your best, showing that you are indeed capable of courage and care. You are amazing!

“About my mother, yes I still live with her. The week she was ill was difficult for me. Thanks to lack of sleep and the overburden… I snapped at her all the time and felt horrible about it later…  Just a week ago, I had a horrible fight with her, where I told her I was done trying with her. That I have tried to reach her in every way I could and failed. And so, I now take a step back. I will no longer try to communicate. I guess that’s best for the both of us“-

– I am proud of you for reaching this conclusion. Notice that you felt bad for snapping at her, but she did not feel bad for doing way more than snapping at you for years (“I always got the full force of her anger… she screams a lot… again and again… She’d also give me the cold treatment: not looking at me… if she would look at me, it would only be to look at me with absolute hatred“, April 2020).

Please do not try to try to reach her in any way, to communicate with her, to make her understand. She screamed at you and looked at you “with absolute hatred” when you were a child, being 100% dependent on her, loving her with all your heart. She chose to betray your loving heart repeatedly. And so, your distance from her is a consequence of her many choices over many years to hurt you. I wish you didn’t live with her anymore. She doesn’t deserve you.

It’s been raining here so much that there’s lots of flooding. During the drought of last summer, including the heat wave of June 2021, I thought that it will never rain again, but it floods! This all amounts to Extreme Weather, a consequence of global warming/ climate change. We are all paying the consequences of ours and others’ behaviors and … misbehaviors. How is the weather there?

anita