Hi Anita,

You were absolutely right about the time and temeprature!!

Yes, I can think of a lot of lies and manipulations that my mother has subjected me to. Lies about our family, emotional blackmail and manipulations… My therapist had warned me not to let her get involved in my life, especially my personal life, as my mother is so anxious that she is incapable of thinking about anyone but herself, and she may engineer things that may affect my life drastically. So I do just that. Today, she asked me about my plans for marriage, and even though I do like someone, I told her I am not ready for it at the moment. She kept badgering me with the same question even after I answered it, and I lost my cool. I yelled at her, shouting, “NOT NOW! I TOLD YOU!” That was it. She has been crying all day. I apologized. And then she told me she is reliving past trauma. I don’t know what to do with that. There is nothing I can help her with if she won’t open up. I have stopped asking her as well. Then there is the cold treatment: no looking at me, no talking to me, acting like I am not even in the room… ughhh… My anxiety shoots right up when she does this. Knot in my chest and the intrusive thoughts and that demonic voice in my head… I can’t relax… This has been my whole childhood, and I resent her for it. Now, I do not have even basic compassion for her. Even when she cries, I feel no empathy or sympathy. I know it makes me sound like a terrible daughter, but what do I do? I just don’t feel it. I feel really guilty about this lack of compassion too, but I can’t help it.

My therapist had told me not to take this reliving trauma bit too seriously; it may just be another form of emotional blackmail. I am trying to do that. But it affects me. Seeing her so sad and her coldness towards me. I’ve had such a bad day. I simply dont get why she wont leave me be.

How is your weekend going?