Dear anonymous03:

You asked about my weekend: it is Sunday morning at this time, not raining, which is good, but I am very tired, so I am not feeling good so far. I bet I’ll feel better soon enough.

“Today, she asked me…I told her… She kept badgering me with the same question… I yelled at her… She has been crying all day. I apologized“- You had to raise your voice (it was the right thing to do!) because your only other option to stop her from badgering you, is to answer her every question and otherwise say and do whatever she wants you to say and do at all times. She did you wrong to you by not respecting you when you answered her the first time, proceeding to badger you, and then trying to make you feel bad by crying (while all along you did nothing wrong!)

“And then she told me she is reliving past trauma… There is nothing I can help her with if she won’t open up…  Then there is the cold treatment… My anxiety shoots right up when she does this. Knot in my chest and the intrusive thoughts and that demonic voice in my head… I can’t relax… This has been my whole childhood“-

Notice: (1) You did not cause her childhood/ early life trauma, whatever it was. She caused your childhood trauma and continues to fuel the trauma that she caused by badgering you, giving you the cold treatment, and more, (2) You want to help her in regard to the trauma that you did not cause, but she is not even willing to stop fueling the trauma that she did cause (by no longer badgering you, no longer giving you the cold treatment, and more)!

“I resent her for it. Now, I do not have even basic compassion for her. Even when she cries, I feel no empathy or sympathy. I know it makes me sound like a terrible daughter… I feel really guilty about this lack of compassion too, but I can’t help it“-

– (1) It is natural for an abused person to feel resentment/ anger at the abuser (in nature, anger motivates animals to protect themselves from harm), (2) It is unnatural for the abused to feel compassion for the abuser (imagine a deer feeling compassion for the mountain lion approaching it… the deer would stay there and get eaten!), (3) You are not a terrible daughter, you are an unfortunate daughter who is stuck with a terrible mother who has no compassion for her own daughter!

“It affects me. Seeing her so sad and her coldness towards me. I’ve had such a bad day. I simply don’t get why she won’t leave me be“- because she is a terrible mother. She sees how hurt you are, and she tries to hurt you even more! Who keeps feeding “that demonic voice” in your head, if not the demon itself???

It angers me so, I wish you no longer have her in your life!

anita