Dear Anita,

Thank you for your reply. Thank you also for letting me express myself like this.

Yes that all makes a lot of sense. With regard to my parents, I don’t recall them saying I was trying to control them, but when I was with my father, I suffered a lot of separation anxiety being apart from my mother, and when I would get emotional or cry, he would often tell me to stop, or grow up, or be cynical towards this type of ‘needy’ behaviour. So I’m not sure I was ever accused of being controlling, but I was made to feel a little stupid for acting so emotionally towards missing my mother.

…and how I might be misunderstood with my love interest – I was trying to process this last night. I spoke with my brother and a close friend about what she had said, and they both think that she was worried that I might end things if I knew she was travelling for a short while in the spring, whereas I thought it was that she may not want to carry on seeing each other when she goes travelling. My percieved misunderstanding comes from the fact that if I told her that I would miss her, or that I would want to stay together regardless of travel plans, that she may see this as me being ‘needy’ and overlly emotional.

I did have a girlfriend when I was 21, the first real love in my life, who had a year abroad planned (maybe 18 months after starting our relationship) and she always asked me if I would stay with her whilst she went away, to which I said yes. But weeks before leaving, she broke off the relationship, because she wanted to be single for the year she was abroad. I understand that we were very young, and that a year is a lot longer than 1-2 months. But maybe this is causing me anxiety in my current relationship, that this sort of thing feels like it has happened before.

My friend and brother both thought that her being honest with me was a sign that she wants things to work between us. Also, we have made our own plans next month to travel for a few days, so things are overall very positive with us. I just feel such separation anxiety and worry of being left in the future, like the child in me.

Dave