Dear Gregory:

You are welcome, thank you for your kind words and fly safely!

“When u love a woman with all your heart… u married her to be a brother to u, a mother, a sister to u. I always trust a woman and that’s what gives me courage that my life will never end badly…. Trust is like virginity once you lose it can never recover!” – again, you have such original, unique, intelligent and insightful thoughts and a way with words, such that I encounter only when reading your posts!

“I’m fearing the way I praise her, will make me the victim of the failure of the first marriage… it might be obstacle if I don’t double check all angles… Women have lots of Egos to deal with… I love someone who has credibility. Trustworthy” – I think that I understand: you’ve been praising your fiancée, and you are afraid that praising her will inflate her ego so much that she may betray you, like your ex-wife did. My thoughts:

Your ex-wife was an exceptionally bad wife and mother, in heartless ways. I doubt that there are lots of women who can match her negative exceptionality, statistically speaking, and I doubt that you could be so unfortunate as to marry two such negatively exceptional wives in a row!

When you praise your fiancée, make sure that your praises are not exaggerated, unrealistic or unbalanced. An example of an exaggerated praise– you say to her: no one is prettier than you in the whole world! This exaggeration can make her anxious because she knows that there are women out there who are prettier than her and she may think something like: what if he meets a prettier woman tomorrow? Will he leave me for her?

An example of an unrealistic praise– you say to her: I like it that you are never angry!  This is not realistic because everyone feels anger once in a while, and so, such a praise is likely to make her uncomfortable, thinking something like: what will happen if he knows the truth, if he knows that I do get angry? Will he leave me then?

An example of an unbalanced praise– you say to her: you are so pretty and good, I do not deserve you! This is unbalanced because you raise her while you lower yourself. Such praise can make her feel suspicious of you, thinking something like: he is saying that he is not good, I wonder in what ways he isn’t good, maybe he is cheating on me?! Or she may feel superior to you, thinking something like- it is not fair to me that I settle for a man who is inferior to me, I should look for a man who is worthy of me!

Is she close to her parents; did you meet them… are they decent people who support you being their future son in law?

anita

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