Dear Dave:

You are welcome. “a lot of my older insecurities and trauma only manifest themselves in my romantic life. I feel with work, friendships, exercise, hobbies etc. – I don’t have the same vulnerability as I do with love” – I expressed on the forum many times that as adults we re-experience our troubled childhood emotional experiences in the context of romantic relationships.

“Kate is very good at breaking down this stigma with me…. she says I am breaking down her walls that she put up. Similarly, when I was feeling anxious the other day and really wanted reassurance – I took your advice Anita and told Kate, she was so supportive and caring, made me feel safe and reassured. I am slowly learning that to be a man and be emotional, sensitive and loving is no bad thing” – excellent! I like Kate, reads like she is a good, honest person, and that the two of you are right for each other.  In regard to the stigma against men expressing vulnerability (the saying “real men don’t cry” comes to mind), it reminds me of a post a member submitted not long ago. She suggested that each person should have not only an inner child within, but a whole inner family, consisting of an inner parent, an inner brother (masculine) and an inner sister (feminine).

In other words, there is space in (men’s and women’s) mental identity for both masculine and feminine. Men and women should express both vulnerability and self-control, encouraging each other to honor our (genderless!) vulnerability and our (genderless!) ability to control our expressions, depending on the situation and what is most needed in the situation.

anita

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