Dear nycartist:

I want to add, in regard to the mother/ child dynamic with the flaky friend: “She has become very unreliable… I don’t really see her taking action to improve things…  I am getting tired of just allowing for her to be totally unreliable… I think maybe this is on me expecting too much” – if she was your minor age child, then noticing that she used to be reliable and is no longer reliable, you’d want to find out why, communicate with her, suggest actions for her to take so to improve her mindset and life, allow her this, disallow her that, expect her to take certain actions, etc. But this woman is not your child, so equal balance in the friendship would indeed mean that you step down from the mother platform, accept her as an equal, and accept her as the person that she has been in the last few years. (Maybe if you accept her as she is, just maybe, her behavior toward you will improve, and so will the friendship).

anita