Hi Anita,

So sorry, the last few weeks have been up and down, I went away to Portugal with Kate, which was incredible and very peacefull, but when I arrived back, things deteriorated with my father quite rapidly, he had a serious infection and needed surgery, followed then by him being sent home, locking carers out of the house which required police to break in and then the next day found fallen in his home with evidence of self harm, so I’ve been talking constantly with carers, doctors and my family team to try and arrange care that isn’t in his home going forward. Apologies, I just wanted to explain a little as I was certainly intending to reply, my mind was just elsewhere.

Repressing emotions is unhealthy for everyone and expressing them is healthy for everyone – I think a lot of the things that have happened in the last two weeks have given me the opportunity to express my emotions, I hope in a healthy way & experiencing emotion, being overwhelmed with joy and happiness, that’s simply natural – this time has also given me the opportunity to express these emotions whilst with Kate. In the past, when something difficult would happen with my dad, I would deal with it on my own, maybe call a family member or two to talk. But Kate was literally by my side when these things happened, and although in this case the feelings weren’t joy and happiness, I expressed my sadness and cried with her. She explained that she saw this as strong, and nothing to be ashamed of. These times really give me the comfort to know that good people don’t judge you for showing such emotions as a man.

keep in mind that the work is primarily your individual challenge – thank you for reminding of this, I know we can slip into patterns of hoping someone else can ‘fix’ us. But you are so right, I am speaking with a counselor again and working on myself a lot. This is helping with the attachment issues, and I am gradually feeling more and more comfortable and calm, and less anxious. Bit by bit.

I hope you are well Anita, and thank you as always for your words.

Dave