Dear Kmittens:

“We were best friends… when we disagreed or had conflict, it could escalate to nastiness and bitterness. He would haunt me… I would also give the silent treatment and lose my temper. We brought out the worst in each other at times” –

– when good or best friends disagree, or have a conflict, they don’t deescalate into nastiness, but communicate about the disagreement/ conflict with an attitude of EAR, standing for Empathy, Assertiveness and Respect.

Best friends never bring out the worst in each other, best friends try to bring out the best in each other with that EAR attitude.

“It’s been a year and I don’t know if it’s normal to still be feeling this way, and whether I will always feel this way. Perhaps it was a mistake to leave him – because surely, I would feel happy and content by now if it was the right thing to do?” – no, you wouldn’t surely feel happy and content by now if ending the relationship was the right thing to do. As adults, when our childhoods were troubled, we keep re-living our childhood emotional experience. So, if you were often unhappy and discontented as a child, chances are that you often feel unhappy and discontented as an adult.

Will you always feel this way? Not always: if you unearth the true origins of this feeling, and then gradually and patiently heal what needs to be healed in your heart and mind, you will feel better and better.

anita