Helcat, thank you for the response. I can understand how and why using the word “toxic” triggered her. As you assumed, I wasn’t trying to place blame on her, especially since I mentioned I was just as toxic for her. I used that word because I always considered it to mean something negative or upsetting, which I think is how both of us made each other feel throughout the situation. I have apologized to her – not for using that word specifically, but for making her feel all these emotions. We both deleted each other off everything and I deleted her number. While I am sorry for making it seem like I placed the blame on her by using that word, I don’t want to engage in that conversation anymore now that the friendship ceases to exist. I let her have the last say yesterday and let it go at that. To open the door for additional communication is just allowing more things to be said between us that will make us hurt more, in my opinion anyways.

Anita, thank you for the response as well. After I posted my last reply, my boyfriend brought up a similar point to yours – why should I apologize for how she reacts to something? That has more to do with her own journey than mine. I don’t know a whole lot about her past experiences and life journey before we crossed paths. I got bits and pieces of it over the last year, but not enough to see the connection. I think a huge flaw of mine is that I apologize for things I shouldn’t need to apologize for because I feel bad. Whether I’m directly involved in the situation or not, I always find myself saying sorry to someone who is feeling bad about something or someone. You’re right though, this habit stems from my childhood. I was always disappointing to my parents and went out of my way constantly to try and please them. I still find myself trying to please others too much in my adult life, especially at work. I appreciate your insight into my fault in this situation, especially with using the term “toxic” because maybe I did use it incorrectly or maybe it just should have been avoided. She seems to have a great relationship with her husband and kids, but I’m her only problem so I’m not sure how she acts with them or what life is really like behind closed doors. I do think she needs to keep working on herself. I think I have work to do on myself as well because I’m clearly bothered by a lot of things she said to me even before I called her toxic. I might not be able to control how she reacts to words or actions, but I can control how I do and my next step is to work on building better self-esteem so when things like this happen, I’m not sitting here questioning my worth and value as a human being. I also agree that I have a strong tendency to accept blame, which I think falls under my self-esteem issues.