Dear Sesha:

“I couldn’t bear those emotions and regulated them in very destructive ways… Those intense emotions are scary and terrible for others” –

– when I read that you regulated your emotions in “very destructive ways” that “were scary and terrible for others“, I thought that maybe you physically harmed others, or physically harmed yourself in front of others, or… emotionally abused others, calling them names, threatening their lives or whatnot. Because very destructive and scary and terrible are strong, extreme words.

Therefore, I asked what you meant.  Your answer: what you meant was that you were clingy, not wanting people to leave you alone and as a result they were irritated. This tells me that you greatly exaggerate the effect your clingy behaviors on others. It is scary and terrible for a child to grow up with a very clingy parent, but it is not scary and terrible or very destructive for one adult to spend some time with another adult who is clingy. It can get irritating and uncomfortable after a while, but it’s not even close to being very destructive, etc.

“When I am feeling those intense emotions, I am desperate for comfort… I want support” – it is not your fault that as an adult, you get desperate and need support. If you had support as a child, during your formative years, support would have been…  formed into you, becoming your inner support, providing your “inner stable self“, as you termed it in your original post. But without parental support, you lacked that inner support and that inner stable self so far.

“I feel like I am acting like a child and that is not tolerable in the society. As an adult it is desperate and very irritating” – it is wise and mature of you to realize that acting clingy as an adult, at least for long periods of time, or regularly, is not acceptable in a healthy society.

“What should I do then to get the comfort I need to calm down those intense emotions? Like you said alone the emotions intensify but in such an unstable state I can’t seek comfort in others” – I want to think about your question and get back to you later, maybe in a few hours, maybe in as long as Friday morning (in 17 hours from now). If you have any thoughts/ ideas in regard to your question, please feel free to post about it before I return to you.

anita