Dear Angel:

Welcome back Angel. I understand that you are very upset. Try to calm down. You asked: “Someone please help me understand“. I will try to help you; therefore, I will ask you a few questions based on your posting today:

“He started bringing up all the time that he wasn’t meant for marriage, and I kept explaining that’s not true and he will find someone… he has already told me so many times that he doesn’t want to marry me. He has told me, and I knew it wasn’t on the table” – (1) Do you mean that while you and him were in a romantic relationship, you told him that he will find another woman to marry, not you? (2) Were you not interested in marrying him and therefore you stayed with him even though he told you that marriage was not on the table, or were you interested in marrying him and hoped that over time that he will change his mind about marrying you?

“He said I have this habit of dwelling on the negative… that I couldn’t let things go… continuously bringing up the same sad drama over and over again… He told me… I’m latched onto him and I’m machine to make people crazy… crying to make him feel guilty… He kept telling me that I need to move forward and stop dwelling on the same things over and over again and that I’m just doing this to make him feel bad and guilty and to trap him again… He thought I was a cool, “modern” girl and not this” – (3) Is any of his claims true, and if so, what is it that’s true and how did it come about?

“He wanted me to leave his life” – (4) Did you stalk him or chase him after he told you that the relationship is over?

“I don’t know when or how this relationship changed from him pursuing me to… such hate and anger towards me” – (5) Any ideas how that happened and did his controlling and demanding, perhaps abusive family (based on your July 2020 posting) have something- or a lot- to do with it?

anita

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by .