Dear Anitha,

Thank you for responding! I believe too it was an abuse of power, in the sense, I was vulnerable at that point and he abused the power he had over me at that time. Truth be told, I did not even realize I was being abused when it was happening. Just that something bad was happening, the body and mind feels it, but I just kept going because I am a people pleaser. I used to feel tired mentally after talking to him during those times because I was being abused with words (never profanity, but more the psychological one).

Sorry, not to offend you, but I laughed out loud reading your suggestions to get justice :). Thank you for trying to help me.

1) In the U.S., for as long as not too much time has passed (statute of limitation), a woman in your position could sue him in civil court, asking for monetary compensation for damages, I don’t want to pursue a legal route and there is no proof of all of this.

(2) You could contact his wife and tell her about what happened, hoping that she will give him trouble for what he’s done, and/ or you could gossip about him to people who know him, hoping to damage his reputation this way, I did think of this in the 6-7 months leading up to his marriage and even after he got married. But then I also thought his wife is also a woman just like me.. one with dreams about her life and marriage. I know how it feels to have dreams shattered. I could not think of doing that to another woman, though a very tempting opportunity to me at that time. Gossiping about him might backfire and make me look bad in front of others since the mindset of people here is also “why did she get involved with him, this is what happens to such women” when you think you will be invalidated by sharing something with others, I think it’s best not to share such traumatic experiences.

(3) You could arrange to meet him in-person and proceed to physically hurt him in such a way that he will live with chronic pain and/ or disability, this was the funniest for me 😊. May be you wrote this jokingly. But honestly I did think of doing this at that time, because of all the stuffed up anger inside of me. I can’t think of doing this now.

 (4) You can get involved in a justice-seeking movement, or start your own, educating teenage girls and young women about the practice of sexual subjugation of women/ abuse of power by men against women, so to prevent other women from suffering the injustice you suffered for so long. I try to do this and support and empathize with women who have undergone such experiences. I also try to share with women about such experiences so that they don’t have to suffer.

I did meet many men (not for romantic reasons, but just happened to meet over the years), I have never met anyone who has been so disgusting and abusive towards me. Or may be I did not get close enough to anyone to experience that again.

Regards,

Shve