Dear Eric:

You are welcome.

“If he offers me an (egg) again… I’d answer him differently. Yes, I’d still reject the egg and smile” – rejecting the egg with a smile is effective communication because (1) you don’t do something that you don’t want to do (eating the egg), and so, you are being fair to yourself, and (2) you do not reject his offer rudely, you reject it in a friendly way. By rejecting his offer in a friendly way, (with a thank-you) and a smile, you are being fair to him.

“But I’d continue our conversation by asking him ‘do you bring this egg from home?’ or ‘do u bring eggs every time you workout?‘” – regarding the first question, if there is a possibility where you live to buy boiled eggs in a market then it makes sense to ask him if he brings a boiled egg it from home (or buys it in a market). If boiled eggs are not sold and the only way for a person to have a boiled egg is if he/ she boils it at home, then there is no point in asking him if he brought the egg from home.

Regarding the second question, it’s an okay question. You can also ask him what is it about eating an egg that helps with his workout/ health, and depending on his answer, you can ask him about what he eats and what he avoids eating for the sake of his health.

If you intend to talk about his food choices, be prepared for him to ask you about your food choices. Prepare in advance what to share with him and what not to share with him, so that you will not get stuck in the moment when he asks you.

“Yesterday I went to the gym… They were talking about the recent news in my city and about politics. Tbh I can talk about those topics, but the barrier is still there…I tried to force my mouth to speak, but the feeling of unsafe is too big…  Those skills of jumping into conversation… I feel like I need to learn it” – jumping into a conversation requires courage, not just skill. Courage is the ability to do something that you are afraid doing. Sometimes the fear is too great, that a person feels unable to do what he/ she is so afraid of doing. It may help you to visualize the situation you described, the trainer talking with the other two guys, and in your imagining, see/ hear yourself jumping into the conversation. It would be a mental, visualization practice for the real-life situation.

“I won’t give up on this… I’ll try another attempt the next time I go to the gym” – please let me know how it works out, will you?

anita

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