Dear Ed:

You are welcome. When asking if her diagnoses were “something you came up with”, I meant to ask if you figured that she fits a diagnosis vs her being professionally diagnosed.

For a while, I took her bpd diagnosis to mean certain things about her, such as that she raged at you and was therefore a-girlfriend-from-hell, but after getting some details from you about what she actually said and how she actually acted, I started doubting the bpd diagnosis, and I understand why the second therapist doubted the bpd diagnosis. I know that professionals routinely give mistaken diagnoses, and diagnoses that other professionals disagree with, so in the future when interacting with members, I shouldn’t assume that a diagnosis given is necessarily correct.

I asked you three days ago what was on her list of things she hated about you. The first item on the list that you gave me was: “She told me that on weekends, I shouldn’t sleep longer than until 11 am” – now that I am thinking about it, how is that a hateful item? Or an unreasonable item… maybe it was better for you to  not sleep longer than 11 am. Maybe she was motivated by concern for you and by wanting to spend more time with you on weekends. That’s not hateful, is it?

Another item on that list: “My ex felt pressured about me asking her how she was doing, especially her mental health. She refused to tell me anything about her feelings and called me her ‘therapist‘” – again, how is that hateful? That she felt pressured- she can’t help what she feels. And it’s her right to not answer your questions (just as it is your right to not answer mine).

Another item on the list: “my ex pressured me extremely to get more therapy.. She told me that my problems with suicidal thoughts would make her anxious” – .. again, I don’t see how this is hateful. It makes sense that she’d feel anxious when you expressed suicidal thoughts, and that she wanted you to get help, doesn’t it?

anita