Dear miyoid:

“People are just not happy with me prioritizing myself… A friend of mine wanted to come stay at my house with his sister afterwards but I rejected since I would wanna stay alone or see my boyfriend…  Now, he doesn’t talk to me because I prioritized my boyfriend“- I am guessing that your friend is inclined to feel hurt and angry so that’s his first emotional reaction to you prioritizing yourself or anyone over him, no matter the circumstances. In his mind, if you don’t put him first, it means that you put him last. He is not comfortable with being somewhere in the middle between 1st and last. Am I understanding correctly?

“I am now taking care of my father when my stepmom is with her own mom, taking care of her. I’ll then go to my mom, stay there for a few days and then I’ll be back to my sister’s house to take care for the cats while she is at another city going to a concert. I will be exhausted after these days and then I’ll be back to work after making everyone happy“-

-it’s like you are a “filler” in people’s lives: where they have a need- you fill it in. But then, who fills in your need: who goes to work in your place while you rest?

“I do my best for people but when I finally try to learn to prioritize my own needs, this is what I see“- if a person, like your friend, does not  and will not understand that he can’t be 1st in your life (except for emergencies I suppose), then he/ she does not belong in your life.

“I am terrified of going to work at a different country because of what might happen with my relationship. But there is this opportunity and if it happens even next month, I’ll have to take this. I’ll have to go. I’ll try to go on with the long distance relationship if my boyfriend would also be persuaded but he did tell me he didn’t believe these types of stuff. But we’ll see, nothing else I can do. I can only wait and see what will happen“-

– reads like an exciting or promising opportunity, one that can be of great benefit to you, is it? If it is promising, why doesn’t your boyfriend encourage you to take it, for your sake (even though he doesn’t believe in long-distance relationships)?

anita