Dear Lola:

You are very welcome. “I feel bad for even telling my husband because now he is also burdened with it” – I think that you did the right thing telling him, because it was necessary. If for no other reason than for his need to know, as the future father of your children, so that he can protect his- your children.

“I find the idea that he may have wanted to spoil my wedding… I’m struggling to get my head around it” – I wasn’t thinking that he had planned to spoil your wedding, that he had such a cold-hearted intent and a plan, but rather that disinhibited, under the influence of alcohol, he did what he did.

“I don’t intend to be alone with him and wouldn’t intend to have him in any future children’s lives“- good thing.

“I can’t let them find out why I need space from him. I think it would break their hearts. So I feel like I have to carry this burden forever“- you shared your burden with your husband and you shared it here. So you don’t have to carry this burden alone. You can post here anytime you need to express yourself.

There are serial killers whose motivation in killing has been to enjoy having power over their victims, a similar sentiment to what your brother expressed. I still think that it’s a good idea for you to somehow consult with a forensic psychologist, that is, a psychologist who works with or for the criminal system. Maybe the forensic psychologist will have some important input or advice for you.

anita