Anita, my apologies, I must have read your suggestion too quickly. Yes, you’re right, seeing a forensic psychologist in that sense would be a good idea. I think it would put me somewhat at ease knowing that I’ve at least tried to make sure there’s no further danger.

At the time he made this confession, he also proceeded to joke about killing one of our guests and to let him know if there is anyone I wouldn’t miss. He then proceeded to list the people that he wouldn’t let die. Disturbingly, one of my other brothers and my husband weren’t on his list..

Thankfully, he doesn’t work in a hospital – he has an office job.

Thank you for your research. It’s a little hard to stomach because he really does have these traits. His last relationship before his current partner lasted 16 years and he hid her for 8 of those. I remember sort of innocently getting him a bit tipsy so I could pry for information at the time and his defense for not bringing her to meet us was that it would be “too awkward”. So he definitely fits the bill for struggling with interpersonal relationships.

This is a bit disturbing also but he is 7 years older than me and once, when I was a child and he was maybe 14 or 15,we were playing. He was wrestling with me and came very, very close to strangling me. He had his arm around my neck and I started to lose my vision until he let go. He said he didn’t have any idea I was struggling. This incident had given more or less to the back of my mind (I know kids can be stupid sometimes when they’re playing!) but since his confession I’ve remembered it and it’s been haunting me a lot.

Have you ever read ‘American Psycho’? The main character’s personality actually reminds me a lot of my brother. He was always quite obsessed with that book and it was him who gave it to me to read.

That’s probably not super relevant but, for me, just sort of represents many disturbing details.

Moving forward with the rest of my family, I’m not sure what to do. I have two other brothers-one older and one younger- who don’t have much of a relationship with him. The family core has always felt very much like me, him and our parents and the other two brothers are outliers. So for me to disengage with my brother will be very obvious and cause a huge amount of distress to my parents. I told my mother that he really upset me but I can’t explain the extent of it without breaking her gentle heart. She thinks we will get over it and go back to the way we were but I don’t know how to explain that that isn’t possible.

Anyway, I know they aren’t really problems that you can personally solve but I do really appreciate you taking the time to help me think through it.