Dear EllGee:

You are very welcome and thank you for your last line, it made me feel good. I imagine you said things like this to your husband (“he has a constant need for reassurance and praise”, you wrote in your original post). It leads me to think that he is stupid for having left you.

“The house and bills are all in my sole name.. He has always lacked empathy… we need to work out finances.  At first he said he wanted nothing from me… I was always the main breadwinner and have paid the mortgage all these years as well as building myself a pension… He on the other hand is self employed and rarely earned enough even to pay tax… Now he’s moved he’ll have a more hand-to-mouth existence and it’s only a matter of time before he’ll start thinking more about future finances.  I’m prepared for that” –

– combining his history of lack of empathy and your prediction that he’ll live hand-to-mouth, I hope that you are indeed prepared, legally prepared: that you saw a lawyer and are doing all that you can do to legally protect and keep what is yours!

“I can now accept the old him has gone and, despite the sadness of the situation, I relish the opportunity of building a new me as well.  There’s a lot of sadness for what has gone before and I am still effectively going through a bereavement but this will pass“- excellent attitude, if I may say so! It helps a whole lot when we accept that which we cannot change- or that which we shouldn’t try to change.

Thank you again for your kind words and I hope that you post again anytime you feel like it.

anita