Dear JemJem:

Welcome back! You’ve been friends with Emma for 30 years. I figure you are 33, so you’ve been friends with her since you were 3, except for a few years during high school. Tara badly bullied you during high school. A few years ago (about 12-15 years after the bullying), Emma started a friendship with Tara. You then explained it all to Emma but she continued the friendship nonetheless. When you distance yourself from Emma, she keeps asking to see you.

“I’m at the stage I would like to end our friendship. Am I right to be upset about this or am I being sensitive?“- it is understandable that you are upset about this. I would be upset too, if I was in your situation.

“I don’t know how to end the friendship without there being an argument from her end. I am also worried that she will cause trouble for me“- I remember you were similarly worried February last year (“I am scared to speak to him about it as I feel like I can’t tell him why… in case he tells the other woman at work”). You were scared then to get in trouble with a woman at work (and maybe with the man as well), and you are scared now to get in trouble with Emma and with Tara .

It is not surprising that you are scared of retribution, after all, you were badly bullied! I think that it is time to face this fear and do what’s right for you regardless of the fear. This is what courage is about: doing what is right even though it’s scary. (Of course it’s easy for me to say, all it takes is my typing into the computer. There are things I am scared of and haven’t had the courage to do yet). What do you think about courage?

* You wrote that you told Emma about Tara bullying you a few years ago (when you were about 30). Didn’t you tell Emma about it when you resumed the friendship with her, in your late teens or during all your 20s? One more thing: when you told Emma, what did she say? Did she explain why she decided to continue the friendship with Tara in spite of her bullying you and your current feelings about it?

anita