Dear miyoid:

I feel nicer in the early mornings before the heat builds up. (Interestingly, only yesterday I got a post- here on these forums- from a member who also lives in Turkey, and of course, I thought about you).

I am glad that having your coffee read calmed your anxiety so much. “She told me so many good stuff about what might happen in my life and soothed my worries about the relationship“- it gave you a sense of comfort. Maybe when you have coffee in the mornings, if you do, close your eyes and bring back the memory of her face, or her voice, and/ or her words, and the comfort you felt, and take a few slow, easy breaths. You can bring this memory to mind anytime during the day or night, for a few moments each time.

“Lady from the migration agency sent me a mail the other day, just a casual email. I felt terrible. I couldn’t calm myself for a bit“- recently I’ve been developing a deeper understanding of anxiety, such as the anxiety you described a few hours ago. I think of it as a VOID, a DREADFUL EMPTINESS inside. It (the void, the dreadful emptiness) vibrates emotional pain of a particular kind, very unpleasant, to say the least, dreadful, more accurately. Everyone runs away from that pain by trying to mask it with better feelings, better feelings produced by healthy or non-damaging practices (ex., exercise, yoga, listening to music) and/ or by unhealthy and damaging practices (ex., using illegal drugs, the emotional eating you mentioned, which can lead to obesity and diabetes).

The way to respond to this void, says I, is from time to time (not all the time and not for too long each time), instead of running away from it, face it. Instead of trying to mask it, feel it and accept it. Strangely, when you do these italicized things, the void shrinks, it becomes smaller and therefore, less painful. If you don’t know how to face it, how to feel it and accept it- close your eyes and form the intent to do these things. Imagine facing it, imagine it in your own way, and take it from there.

I hope to read about your experience with Facing the Dreadful Emptiness. I intend to face my own today.

anita