Anita,

I think you’re right. I don’t think if we had sex now that it would be even a fraction of what it used to be. I don’t miss that part of our relationship often, only sometimes when I’m alone.

Something I’m struggling with is that I’m ashamed it happened and that it would hurt my partner. But I don’t particularly regret it in a way. I feel like after our relationship ended (he left me), I had all these things I wanted to say. I think I kept hoping one day to run into him and have the courage to say then and now I have and it’s like I feel free of them. I never thought about there being someone else in the picture when I did and the casualty of my boyfriend being in the middle is not one I was prepared for, hence this overwhelming guilt I feel.

Do you think it’s possible that I can feel both? I can feel ashamed because I know it was wrong and dishonorable and I would NEVER want to put my partner in this situation again even if he is unconscious of it. But I can also feel freedom that I spoke my truth in things I’ve been carrying around for too long?