Dear anonymous:

I think that you are only interested in talking about the almost cheating incident in regard to your partner (I’ll refer to the almost cheating incident as ache, which is fitting), but looking at your childhood experience is very relevant to you recovering from the ache.

“My parents… have very high standards… I’ve only truly disappointed them a handful of times in my life. However, when I did, it was usually a big issue for me“- because your parents had VERY HIGH standards for you, when you failed them- you felt VERY LOW, and it was a BIG issue for you. Fast forward, you failed your partner and because of the very high standards placed on you, you feel very low and it is a big issue for you.

“(Mother) can be very judgmental“- when you do something that is wrong, when you make a mistake, you are very judgmental of yourself.

You wrote regarding the ache: “I feel like I did something unforgivable… I feel like a terrible person for committing this mistake“.

You wrote about your parents: “they were always kind to me after some time passed and encouraged me not to dwell on the incident and that they had forgiven me“- this means that indeed, as a child, you dwelled on having disappointed your parents ,  felt very guilty for some time, and eventually, they forgave you. Fast forward, you now dwell on the current mistake, the ache, and you are in great need to be forgiven.

Question: how did you get your parents to forgive you following the few incidents when you disappointed them: did you tell them that you are a terrible child and that you are so sorry for the terrible thing you did… until eventually they pitied you and forgave you, anything like that?

anita