Dear anita,

I apologize for replying late,

to live your life best you can is to have a different, better ATTITUDE; a different, better STAND TOWARD THE CONDITIONS of your life.

Yes i’m trying to accept the conditions of my life…. i’m really trying my best.

what is your attitude about it, what is your stand toward this condition of being underestimated because of your looks?

I know i shouldn’t care too much about that kind of person who underestimated my short appearance and looks…. but still i’ll never able to achieve their bodies which is more attractive and taller….. and i need to eradicate that kind of dream…. i used to dream to have an ideal body when i was still a kid…. but i was never given, not even an average height……

Even if their personality is filthy, sometimes i envy them….. like they can at least experience going to the clubs as someone attractive…. while me, it’s really hard for me to enjoy that kind of thing….. i need to wear tall shoes, etc…. and it’s still not enough….. I’m not saying that i want to enjoy going to clubs, it’s just that i need to accept that i wont be able to experience the feeling of being an attractive person…..

But day by day i’m trying to accept this, i’m trying to accept this body even though i dont like it…. (like a harsh reality)…

You didn’t walk away because you are stupid; you walked away because you are afraid. Then you got angry with yourself, as if walking away from the girl was a stupid mistake that you should be punished for. But NO, it was not a stupid mistake: it was fear. Fear does not respond well to punishment. It responds well to empathy and understanding.

The more you punish yourself for being afraid, the more afraid you will be. Oh how I wish you will be empathetic and understanding with yourself, particularly when you are afraid!

All this kind of fear starts from my insecurity of my height….. i’m afraid that girls might look at me as an unattractive guy or she might judge my height…. this causes me to be afraid to initiate a conversation…. and this habit keeps on going year after year….. till right now…..

I really need to find a solution for my brain, like i prefer a solution rather than accepting….

Like i used to be afraid going to the mall wearing sandals, but now i found a solution which is wearing tall shoes…. but i still need to find a solution if i’m in someone else’s house, in which i’ll be barefoot, i’m really insecure there……

Here is a very interesting one: “Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.” -After Earth.

Think of it: fear being a choice? Can it be a choice, Eric?

I think to overcome fear, i need to experience it first…. like the first time will be the hardest…. but then the follow up will be easy….

Just like how i start learning how to drive a car, at first i fear driving outside the complex….. but i force myself and in the end i dont feel afraid now…..

I also used to be afraid of cutting my nails with the nail cutter when i was a kid…. i let my parents cut it for me….. But then when i go outside my city to enter uni, i need to learn that….. and eventually i did learn how to cut my own nails….. i use my own method because i still have fear of cutting my nails…. so i cut it really slow and safely….

But to overcome the fear on conversing with an attractive girl, or a person i feel pressure is not easy…..  because i cant trial and error…. and they could come randomly without me planning how to talk to them…..

no, nothing good comes from overthinking and the pain that you are describing. I know the pain that you shared about for so long in your various threads, I felt it too and I assure you, there is nothing good about this kind of pain. Life wisdom and awakening happen when there is hope that pain will lessen and be no more, and… a different, better attitude will make it happen!

I usually have my awakening when i got a solution to convince my brain….. one of them was me constantly going to the gym every day after working….. even if i dont talk much with anyone there…. i overthink less than me immediately going home from my office……

I think it’s due to the surroundings at my home is very lonely, while at the gym there are lots of people (even if the people who went to the gym every day are the same ones mostly)….. and people there talk to each other while working out, i love seeing people in my surroundings talk to each other even if i dont talk…. it creates a happy atmosphere in me, this kind of feeling also appears in other occasion, not only in the gym….. Do u think this might be because i felt too lonely at my house? Sometimes i also feel less lonely when im talking here, like i feel there are people who appreciates my existence, and im thankful for that…..