“Self-pity and Poor Me Syndrome don’t sound that great when you read about it right? Why would anyone want to languish in unhappiness?…  So,why would anyone want to feel like this? Here are just some of the reasons:

* The blame game: You don’t have to take responsibility for anything that is happening in your life if you simply blame it on other people.

* Attention: When you talk about how much is going wrong for you, you are likely to get someone to listen to you. People will listen to your dramatic stories (not that they don’t get tired of them).

* Pity: When you wallow in self-pity, you are bound to get the sympathy that you are looking for, as people will feel sorry for you in the beginning.

* (Get) Your own way: When it looks like it’s you against the world, people are less likely to criticize you and your choices. In fact, it may seem like people are more willing to give you what you want.

* Drama: Being constantly embroiled in drama gives you the opportunity to ignore your problems and revel in being the center of attention.

* You can complain: When you have Poor Me Syndrome, you feel like this gives you the right to vent how you want, when you want, and where you want. You are ‘going through a lot’ and this gives you license to complain…

drmk consulting. com/ how to deal with the poor me syndome: “People who habitually exhibit the Poor Me Syndrome tend to get on our nerves. That’s because they consistently display the same joy-sucking, self-sabotaging behaviors, regardless of the situation. This can really put a damper on any friendship or relationship, and therefore needs to be dealt with appropriately.

“But what exactly does it look like when a person suffers from Poor Me Syndrome? The diagnosis may not be scientific, but there are a few unmistakable markers that you might recognize. For example, with a pity-hungry person, the result of any given circumstance is predictable: Events turn out terribly, just as expected. You may notice that he always assumes the stance of victim, taking everything personally and turning others’ words and actions into purposeful attempts at thwarting him…

“Out of this thinking naturally flows the idea that others are treated more favorably and have it easier in life, etc. Others’ successes are devalued, and their own failures are not their fault, but the result of circumstances out of their control. ‘Woe is me’ is their relentless daily mantra! These people are hard to be around daily basis!…

“When this person fails, the response is to blame circumstances or others instead of evaluating the situation and trying to fix it. This is a victim mentality that will not allow the Poor Me person to make changes, shift gears, and move forward.

“Another factor in the development of Poor Me Syndrome may be an innate tendency to feed off constant comparisons (e.g., social media). The desire to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ is a recipe for failure…especially when the Joneses are probably going broke themselves! However, for Poor Me individuals, their own personal shortcomings may be overblown by comparing themselves to the inflated, fairytale personas displayed all around them on social media… Without help, coaching, and systematic intervention, they may remain like this for the rest of their life…”.

A humorous take on PMS, Laura richards. co. uk/ top 10 poor me syndrome tactics: “Sporadic, loud and unsightly outbursts of awkward sobbing to the tune of  ‘I’m the victim’ “’Everyone’s ganging up on me’  ‘Everyone is out to get me’ ‘I lost my job’ ‘I’ve lost everything’ ‘She made me do it’ ‘I’m having such a tough time of it all’, ‘You have to understand that I’m fighting for my life here’ ‘These are my darkest hours’…

“Disheveled appearance, unkempt hair, unshaven… general aura of fragility and powerlessness… including the sudden onset of fainting, passing out, heavy breathing… Claims of a terrible childhood and/or being abused as a child, flipping the script to ‘me, myself and I’ and harking back to the fact, that you are indeed, the victim… The sudden onset of a disorder, memory loss, suicidal ideation, balling ‘I am better off dead’, ‘It’s all too much’, ‘I cannot go on’…

“Strategic flashes of enlightenment, and even redemption, at critical moments including ‘I’ve had a period of self-reflection and contemplation’.. “I’ve been on a change programme’… ‘I’m a changed man’… That’s My Two Cents: My Top 10 Poor Me Syndrome Tactics, I mean, signs and symptoms to look out for.”

Does any of these or all ring true to you in regard to your husband?

In regard to your part in the relationship: “I have not connected emotionally with him as I don’t know how. I can be distant and I prefer to focus on the practical side of things rather than the feelings side“- I understand your tendency to withdraw emotionally from people and remain emotionally distant (the reason you spent most of your time as a child doing school work, reading books and watching TV, the latter two continuing into adulthood), but it is also possible that connecting with a man like your husband is not possible. Think of this, if you will: has he been able to connect emotionally with anyone long-term (beyond a moment here, a moment there)?

Maybe the reason the relationship lasted this long so far is because (1) it is impossible to connect with your husband long-term, and (2) it suits you to not be emotionally connected.

“I can see that I was controlling in a lot of ways, not letting him get involved in raising our son, and I have a lot of regrets about that“- it may be for your son’s benefit to not let your husband get too involved with his son.

“I have a tendency to micro-manage people and I have an incredibly stubborn streak that makes me argumentative and unwilling to accept that I am wrong“- seems like you have made a 180 degree turn as expressed in your two posts, seems like you are now willing to… be managed by your now stubborn and argumentative husband, a shift of roles perhaps?