Dear Helcat:

I admire you for being vulnerable in your recent post and sharing about your struggles and successes. As I often do when replying to an original poster, I will quote from what you shared and respond, part by part.

“Anxiety…  is an addiction like any other… Even as I say goodbye to this habit, it seeks to preserve Itself“- I too think of anxiety as a habit: a chemical-physical habit of the brain-body that involves habitual secretions of chemicals in the brain (neurotransmitters) and in the body (hormones). 

“My health issues are a result of the anxiety condition. It prevents me from getting adequate sleep …  a form of suffering. This habit once had me believe that it was preparing me for reality“- my lifetime anxiety habit was definitely a form of suffering, great suffering, and it did not at all prepare me for reality (at least not in adulthood). Instead, it often distorted my perception and understanding of reality and led me to significant dysfunction in real life.

“But the emotional response is disproportionate“- my emotional responses were indeed disproportionate to the events in reality: often things happened in reality that required that I respond, but I did not. At other times, things happened (or didn’t) that required no response, but I responded and I responded inappropriately.

“If I wait for each challenge to be over for my anxiety to reduce, I would be waiting forever“- exactly my thought.

“I will have to decide each time anxiety is triggered, how I would like to behave“-this has been crucial in my struggle with anxiety: to not behave in such ways that fuel and maintain my anxiety. For example, I had a habit (until recently) to unnecessarily confront members in these forums, a habit that added to my anxiety (and did not help others), and so, I am successfully changing this habit. I find it quite doable.

“What has helped address shame is to accept why I feel unlovable and to understand that I am worthy of love. For example, I felt unlovable because my parents didn’t love me. This occurred not because of fault with me, but due to winning an unfortunate genetic lottery“- “genetic lottery”- I like this wording. It is never the child’s fault that her parents didn’t love her, but the child naturally believes that it is her fault, and shame gets attached to this belief like glue.

“By having conversations with people about boundaries and not allowing myself to be bullied, I was protecting myself“- in regard to being bullied and protecting yourself from being bullied… can you/ would you like to give me an example, a recent example perhaps?

anita