Dear Ed:

I took a long time this morning reading through our communication and therefore I can answer you better today than I did yesterday:  first, welcome back to your thread 3 months and 6 days since you last posted!

“I don’t know if you would be interested or okay with continuing/ restarting this conversation, but I would appreciate your input“- yes I am very interested and I am okay with restarting and continuing our conversation. I would like to read more from you and give you more of my input.

“I am also unsure about the way my desperate tries at compliments made you feel… my people-pleasing-behaviour got very bad“- do you mean that your compliments and expressed appreciation for my input were insincere?

* If they were insincere, it’s okay: I would still want to continue our conversation, but would ask you to express yourself sincerely this time around. I need your sincerity/ honesty as I extend the same to you.

“If I offended in any way or made you feel uncomfortable, I would like to apologise“- I see nothing for you to apologize for.. except perhaps insincere compliments and expressed appreciation, if this was the case.

I want to point to a few things that you shared during our long and elaborate 6-page communication: (1) Growing up, your parents’ behaviors toward you were these:  “father screaming at me for hours for not being ‘good enough’, my mother supporting this by not intervening and making me feel like he was right“,

(2) “I have been suffering from diagnosed dissociations and depersonalisation for years as part of the ptsd complex of symptoms“,

(3) “I am desperate for a judgement about my past, in the sense that i am desperate to know if I did wrong and deserved what I experienced or if I am allowed to free myself and move on“.

anita