Dear Melissa:

I am sorry that your daughter is doing poorly. Having read my last reply to you, 10 months ago to the day, I noticed the following glaring contrast: you referred to yourself as Type A Personality and today, in your description of your daughter’s behaviors, she is the opposite of what characterizes Type A Personality.  While Type A is driven, hard-working, go-getter, competitive, motivated to achieve results, tend to be workaholic, your daughter “barely moves.. lethargic… She will not take walks with anyone”, etc. (clearly very depressed).

“I feel like no matter what I do it is wrong and not helping…  What can I say when she says how bad she feels… How can I validate her  depression without becoming as depressed as she is? She is coming to me for comfort and I don’t know how to respond anymore“- since your daughter is receiving all the professional help available to her, I want to suggest to you a possibility that may not have occurred to you (or to the professionals), here it is: the contrast between your personality A attitudes and behaviors/ responses to her and her depression may be too big and therefore, in-the-way of her healing.

I never underestimate the emotional power a mother has over her daughter, and this very contrast I mentioned is a problem for her, a problem when it comes to her communication with you. I suggest that you identify all your expressed Type A Personality attitudes and behaviors and change them into laid-back, relaxed attitudes and behaviors best you can: NO pressure put on her, NO impatience with her… NO overly positive expressions, like: You can make it! You can do it! None of that. When you communicate with her, come down to her level.. not all the way to lethargy of course.. but closer to where she is at.

What do you think of my suggestion?

anita