Dear famaz:

You are welcome and thank you for your empathy. I am sorry that you had a similar experience to mine, I know how painful and devastating it is.. and for so very long.

“She turned me and my siblings against each other. I don’t think that was intentional but the result is all of us feel isolated and alone”– it was probably (I am guessing) a habit that she picked at a young age, something she observed the adults in her life doing and copied it, kept the behavior going without much awareness of what negative effects it had on others (and on herself).

“Have you ever thought if I can`t trust my family, who I can trust then?“- growing up I didn’t think that, definitely not at a young age. Unfortunately, I trusted my mother to a large extent (I couldn’t help it, every young child trusts their parent at first), so when she told me that I was a bad person, I believed her. When she told me that everyone else was bad, I believed her. But over time, I could see/ feel how she was hurting me, how she lied… so I was very conflicted. It’s a nightmare when the person you naturally look up to the most (the parent) is so far removed from the pedestal you needed them to be on.

“I noticed you used the past tense describing your loneliness , hopefully you manage to overcome that , could you share more about your experiences?“- I ended all my loyalty to my mother, completely separating from her, physically and mentally (it took years of intentional work, starting eleven years ago).  No longer loyal to her, I am no longer loyal to what she told me. It was only a few years ago that I noticed that I was interacting with other adults as if.. as if they were okay people, feeling that I am one of them, not apart from them. I still tend to be wary of people with no evidence that they are dangerous to me… something I have to pay attention to.

I hope that we can continue our discussion beyond today There is more to it than a few posts can cover, isn’t it?

anita