Dear Caroline:

“Every time she calls me… I prepare myself to sound happy when in reality I am very calm“- I see. I don’t think that it’s a good idea for you to pretend to feel happy: there is nothing wrong with feeling calm. In fact, I prefer to feel calm than to feel happy, and I prefer interacting with calm people than interacting with excited people.

Let’s say, she calls you and you feel angry at her (for no valid reason, or you are not aware of the reason you feel angry)- in this case, if I was you, I would contain my anger and not express it. But when you feel calm- express calm no matter how she feels. It is not your job to match her mood.

“She even said to me ‘You do not talk much’ when both of them do. Unfortunately I often do not have ideas on what to say“- neither she, nor you, Caroline, should expect yourself to talk as much as she does. It is  not your job or your duty to match how much she- or anyone else- talks.

When she told you that you don’t talk much, you could have (and maybe you will next time), ask her if it bothers her that you don’t talk much. And if she says it does, ask her why.

“I worry they will see I do not have much to offer“- offer your acceptance of- and respect-  for yourself: it’s a precious thing to offer!

anita