Dear Aum:

You are welcome.

“Unfortunately, I do still have some anger/resentment toward my family. I actively try and work on this though“- I hope that you didn’t think that I criticized you for feeling angry at your parents. When I felt angry at my mother, I felt guilty for it, as if feeling anger at a parent is a sin. But it is not true: it is not wrong to feel anger at a parent or at anyone else. There is a valid message that anger wants to deliver. Once I heard and respected the message in my anger at my mother, much and often all of the anger went away.

I like your tall glass-teacup imagery, each holding a different amount of emotional capacity, the first give and expect more in return. Unfortunately children are not able to make use of this thinking because they are tall glasses and they can’t help but need a whole lot. It is a good idea though to make good use of this imagery as adults, thank you for presenting it to me!

“when you say primary goals, do you mean breaking them down into smaller, daily goals?“- no. I probably used the wrong words. By primary goals I meant goals that are more important– in your own mind- than secondary goals. Also, primary goals would be goals that aren’t much dependent on outside conditions, ex., to act assertively every day, and to apply to a new job every day, while a secondary goal would be to get hired for a job by the end of this year. Every evening or day, as you look over your goals, you judge your progress based on your achievement of your primary goals.

“I’m also interested in hearing your thoughts about feelings of powerlessness and feeling like a victim. I sometimes struggle to keep these feelings at bay, esp. when things are out of my control“- the idea right above: to set goals that are within your power to achieve, and then, to judge your progress and success  based on your chosen, primary goals will give you a sense of power over yourself and your life.

anita