Hello Anita, I was born into a broken relationship, I never saw my parents in the same room and I was the product of a short term romance. I haven’t had my father in my life for maybe 21 years, I don’t have a stable relationship with him except seeing him post on Facebook or the odd message from him through WhatsApp but I was not number 1 in my fathers life growing up no.

It would mean a lot to me to be a man’s number one and to be finally chosen and respected, I look at her Instagram and crave for the family dynamics I see on there, even though I know he is being unfaithful.

I also have a problem of wanting to move away or live another life. The life I am living is not bad, I am financially stable, have a great job. The only things I would change is my own family dynamics such as the fact we aren’t close and that includes non immediate family members. I live in the same house as my mum, step dad and sister and we all stay in separate rooms on our rooms majority of the day. My stepdad in the living room downstairs, my little sister in her room in bed on her phone to her friends and my mum in bed in her room and then me in my room. This is how it’s been and it’s awkward to even think of us being a close knit family. We don’t argue or live in misery but the conversations are lacking. I’m always dreaming of belonging to a large family with culture and excitement. We don’t celebrate anything in my household as my mother is a Jehovah’s Witness so every holiday celebration stopped and my stepdad although not a Jehovah’s Witness stopped celebrating too out of respect for his wife.

Anyway, I just want to get out of my head and stop craving for a life I know nothing about, I’ve even gone as far as trying to learn Spanish as the guy I was most recently involved with is from Argentina and I wanted to learn so I could feel closer to him in a way!

I don’t know what to do, I mean I do and it’s obvious but why can’t I seem to just do it then?! Why do I crave a taken man so badly and for that I feel terrible but I wish he didn’t draw me in to just lie and deceive me!!